Mirror of Whiteness

 

Mirror of Whiteness

And finally, you are at the top of the mountain.
The last steps.

Many times you thought of giving up. Of turning back.
You wanted to simply sit down where you were, let the mountain rescue team come for you.
Or let you die there — what does it matter to anyone?

But you kept going.
One more step.
And another.
Ahead of you, you believed, there would be a reward.

You made it.
Well done.

You reach the summit. There are people around you. Some of them.
And you?

What do you do when you finally realize that this is it?
That you have succeeded.
That there is nothing left to fix.

I will tell you my story

In July 2024, I climbed Mount Ararat, in eastern Turkey.
5,137 meters.

And I wanted to give up.
Believe me — many times.

My legs were heavy, my breathing shallow.
Every breath hurt. I had no strength left.
That familiar voice began in my head:
I can’t do this.

I looked ahead.
The summit was there — as if I could reach it with my hand.
All around me, snow.
Whiteness.

My guide, Zeki, was sitting about fifty meters above me, waiting.
Several times he asked if I could go on, if we should turn back.

No.
I was determined.

Step by step.
Slowly.

And I made it.

What did I do when I reached the summit?
I simply collapsed to the side — with my backpack, my crampons — and cried.

I cried harder than I had cried in years.

Everyone around me rushed to hug me, to joke at my expense in that warm, companionable way.
And I turned my tears into a smile.

I looked up at the sky and said:
thank you.

Trek 3 — Into Whiteness

Why am I telling you this?

Because when you reach the top, do not expect fanfare.
There is none.

Expect vulnerability.
A kind of humanity that appears from nowhere.

Expect all the feelings you have hidden for years behind ego, masks, a good career, and an expensive car.

Up there, there is only whiteness.
Pure.
And purity is hard.

Much, much harder than the mud you pulled yourself out of.

But that is for another post.

To be honest with you, I have only just arrived here myself.
I do not yet handle wise words very well.
I know the mud.
But whiteness is new to me too.

But…
psst.

Here are the links to Trek 1 Turn On Your Trail and Trek 2. MUD AND SHINE
You may want to walk them first.

Angels by Robbie Williams
Some songs walk with us long before we know why.

You can find my book  and more about my work on Amazon Whispers of Veloria on Amazon